Charity Nelson TV

For the past few days, I’ve been stuck in my head looking back at my past life. I’ve been scrolling through old memories of a season where I remember being visibly and tangibly happy. I was a junior in high school and on the surface I had it all. I had the boyfriend, the decent grades, and a spot in my school’s television program. I had a job, a solid circle of friends, and honestly I felt well known. I remember feeling like I finally had a sense of purpose.

The crazy part is that looking back life wasn’t actually perfect then. My dad’s health was starting to decline, my family was in the middle of a heavy transition as we stepped back from ministry leadership, and I lost my grandmother that same year. It was a season of intense change yet I don’t remember focusing on the bad at all. Isn’t it strange how the enemy can make a season feel so good even when the foundation is shaking?

Fast forward to today. I’m a junior in college and the contrast is startling. For the last three and a half years, since the moment I really made the choice to follow Christ, it has felt like one long uphill battle. I’ve been met with depression and anxiety I never saw coming. I’ve stepped into the professional world only to be blindsided by people’s true motives and characters. I’ve gained friends, lost others, and even had a terrifying encounter with a cult. That is a story I’ll have to save for another time.

I’ll be so real with you. I’ve spent the last three years trying to find that high school version of myself again. I wanted that visible happiness back. But as I was talking to my sister today, the truth hit me. That girl is long gone. And thank God she is.

I’ve been made new. The old me may have looked happy but she was truthfully on a path that led away from God. The enemy is a master at making the world look glamorous but that glamour is never fulfilling. It’s a distraction. I realized I would much rather be in Christ and enduring through suffering than be in the world trying to put a tiny band aid on a massive bleeding wound.

Through every struggle, every tear, and every time I tried to run away from the pressure, God pulled me back. I didn’t realize that while I was searching for love in empty places, God was already pouring His love out on me every single second. He offers a life that is abundant, not because it’s easy but because it’s forgiven.

If you’re feeling like you’re back at square one or if you’re mourning a simpler version of yourself, remember this. Your past mistakes and your past happiness do not define you. Walk in the newness of Christ. Receive His love today and start living like you’re already forgiven.

I’m still processing all of this and I’d love to hear how you’re handling your own uphill battles. Drop a comment below or message me on Instagram. Let’s chat about it.